I knew this was going to be a good Christmas when while holding my five month old daughter about a week and a half ago standing in our living room watching the last fifteen minutes of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” I wept quietly to myself in one of those rare moments where suddenly I got it. I’ve seen the movie probably forty times, and wept on and off here and there in my years of viewing, but this time the feeling was totally different.  I suddenly understood why George Bailey was so excited to be home. Why he was so happy that he might be going to jail.  So in love with life that he kissed that old loose newel post.  I understood what he felt not because I’ve been so low that I needed a quirky angel without wings to come help me out–although help like that is always most welcome–but that I’ve been the stressed George Bailey just after he lost his $8000 dollars, worried about what he will do to take care of his family.  This year has been the fastest of my life, and my three months without a job frustrated me in a way I don’t think I’ve ever been before.

Having a child has opened up a new part of my soul that before she was here I didn’t know existed. Watching her grow and looking into those big blue eyes is something I highly recommend. This year has made me realize how blessed my little family is.  The love we have from parents and grandparents is truly staggering, and our ability to make it in Austin is due in no $mall part to their help.  Thank you!

The daughter’s first Christmas was a magical one, but a strangely one sided affair.  She is five months old and still not quite aware of what is happening.  Of course the presents are for her.  Of course we give so that she might have toys that engage and teach her new motor and empathy skills.  But the actual event of Christmas morning was for our–the parents and grandparents–benefit.  We were the ones oohing and ahhing over the new presents we opened for her. I find this funny because we were the ones that bought them, but our excitement in turn gets her excited, and that is why it was so much fun. This is the first Christmas that was not about us. At least that’s what we tried to do, but I know our ooing and ahhing was as much for us as it was for her. But not in a selfish way.  It helped us to realize that giving is always more fun than getting, even if at the end of the day the baby is more interested in the shiny paper the gift comes in than what is wrapped underneath it.

 

”No man is a failure who has friends.”

There are hundreds of Christmas tunes out there I love, and only a few of them really get me into the spirit of the season. I could listen to Perry Como and Bing Crosby all day, and Sufjan Stevens ‘Songs For Christmas’ is a set everyone would do well to own.  But the single tune that really fires up my yule fuel is this one, and it’s not even a Christmas tune per se, but a fine jazz piece:

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I love it. Vince Guaraldi trio plus Peanuts equals Grubbs Christmas joy.

You may now put up your tree.

This year is going by so quickly. We’re already just under 3 months from being in Austin for a year. Two things have contributed to the speedy passage of time. Not having a job for three months is one of them. You’d think that would have made time pass slowly, but it’s amazing how quickly days pass into each other when you have nothing to do. Second, and more important, was the birth of our first child. Man she eats up the time, and wonderfully so. I’m amazed at how when I get home, the other stuff I think I need to do just disappears because I simply want to hold her and just look at her. That other stuff eventually gets done. Bills get paid and writing happens, but if I don’t enjoy her while she’s tiny, I’ll never get these moments back.

We drove to Alabama to be with my Father’s side of the family for Thanksgiving. 33 total hours in the car what with stopping to feed the baby, and eat lunch. I enjoyed the drive spending time with my brother, whom we met to make the journey together. This Thanksgiving was most special because we were bringing our daughter to meet that side of the family for the first time, and it was the first time that entire side of the family had gathered completely–no one missing–in about four or five years. We took lots of pictures, and it’s great to have some 4 generation photographs. These times are fleeting, and the emotions of the moment were simultaneously joyful and somehow maudlin and wistful. The encouraging thing is how wonderful I realized my family is. Over the years we’ve all gotten along spectacularly, and I attribute it to the loving example of my wonderful grandparents.

My mother’s father was also able to stop by on Friday, giving us the chance to see a little bit of both sides of the family.

I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.

I got tired of my old, weepy headers. Let me know what you think of the new treatment up top! Is it too futuristic? I just wanted to spruce up the site a bit, and decided to do something a little different.

Get the latest Flash Player to see this player.

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The Demo Contents are as follows:

1. Stardust – :30 TV Spot
2. The Good Shepherd – Concept TV Spot
3. You, Me & Dupree – Review TV Spot
4. Charlotte’s Web – European Trailer
5. Things We Lost in the Fire – :30 TV Spot
6. The Manchurian Candidate – TV Spot

Email: jonathan (at) jonathangrubbs.com

I submitted a short story of mine to a fiction contest over at Narrative Magazine.  It’s a great e-zine filled with fantastic fiction and poetry, and, best of all, it’s free. You should definitely check it out. It’s a free sign up and you can access their archive of great fiction. I’m feeling confident about it, though even after submitting it I’ve found areas for improvement.  And so it goes with one’s art.  It’s never good enough, but I’ve released it to a small part of the world hoping it will be received in good graces.

The recent announcement from Polaroid they will soon cease production on their instant films has me nostalgic for the look. Remember the sound the camera made as it spit out a square of white plastic?

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Remember shaking the snapshot while you waited for it to develop?  Remember how everything was tinged a little brown?  I’ve recently discovered this great little app called Poladroid for Mac.  It takes your photos and converts them into old looking Polaroids, as I’ve done below.

   

Click on them for larger versions.

In another attempt to feel nostalgic, I have also been using film a little bit more than most. I’ve rediscovered the joy of thinking about a photograph before I snap the shutter.  I’ve also discovered my love for the program Aperture. I spend all day with Photoshop, and I’ve gotten a little burnt on the over-production done on most all images these days.  I remember the hours I spent in high school and college slaving in the pitch black of the darkroom developing film and printing with an old style enlarger.  It was fantastic. The thrill of seeing a latent image emerge in the swirling waters of the developer bin was amazing, and is one of the art forms that will soon only be practiced by nostalgic artisans.  I myself have stopped for monetary and time reasons; it’s expensive to maintain a darkroom full of chemicals and washes.  Plus, you have to dedicate an entire room of your house to the pursuit, and I don’t have that kind of space right now.  What I love about Aperture is its limits.  For the most part you can only retouch digital images the way you can in a dark room.  Saturation, color, vignetting, cropping, exposure, etc.  This forces you to actually think about how best to work with flawed images to best present them, rather than simply snapping away and retouching it to death.  I love it.  I’ll use Photoshop for intensive graphics work and web design, but when it comes to simple photography, Aperture is now my application of choice. It is what I used to touchup all but four or five of the images in my photo gallery.

I’ve also been watching the HBO Miniseries “John Adams.”  Amazing. Paul Giamatti is one of my favorite actors, and I love watching him play Mr. Adams as he ages. I read the McCullough book a couple of years ago, and they have done a wonderful job of bringing it to the screen. Everyone would do well to learn from the struggle these men undertook to begin the work of our nation that continues to today. Watching the show reminds me that the greatness of the United States comes from the struggle itself and not the sudden notion that we’ve arrived.  The striving is what makes our nation strong, and flawed as we are, we continue to press forward. Look at what happened this election.  The struggle of great Americans paved the road Barack Obama can now drive freely over.

The late 18th century has always fascinated me, and I have a great idea for a story set in this time period.  It needs serious fleshing out, but I feel it has merit and is worth pursuing.  Too often this period in America is only viewed through the context of the birth of the United States, and we often forget about the other things that were happening simultaneously.

Finally, here is a great little video I came across a few weeks ago.  It has nothing to do with anything I’ve mentioned above, but it makes me smile and I hope it makes you smile, too.

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I have finally finished building the Photography and Design Portolio sections of this site. I’m really happy with the way the photos look in the gallery, and it has me wanting to get out and shoot more. I’ve added a few more poetry readings to the already posted poems, so check those out and let me know what you think. I’ll keep adding to them when I have the time.

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E-mail forwards and blog tagging became about as annoyingly ubiquitous as bad MySpace design a couple of years ago, and I promptly stopped paying attention to them. Recently my circle of friends have been tagging each other, and I’ve decided to play along. The rules are thus:

• *Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog
• *Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself
• *Tag seven other people at the end of your post and link to their blogs
• *Let each person know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

I was tagged by my friend, Rick Smith.

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1. While I have many bathroom quirks, I won’t pain you with odd details aside from this one. When I use a small public restroom (1-3 Urinals, 1-2 stalls) and someone comes in and does his work in the stall next to me, I stand at the urinal or sit there until he has finished, washed his hands, and left the restroom so I can avoid eye contact at all costs. I don’t do this in large restrooms (i.e., Arenas, Stadiums, Movie Theaters).
2. I don’t have cable. My television has a rabbit ear antenna. In fact, I rarely watch real TV. Most shows I catch online or downloaded.
3. I get a soaring feeling in my heart and soul when I hear Appalachian Bluegrass or bagpipes. This being odd because I’m neither Scottish nor Appalachian. I do have Scottish ancestry so this may account for some of this.
4. Fiction moves me. I’m certain I’m supposed to be a writer, I just can’t seem to figure out how to make that a paying gig and still meet my responsibilities. Probably has something to do with my lack of writing discipline.
5. Occasionally I make odd yelps and whimpers in my sleep. Sorry honey.
6. I HATE talking on the phone. I would much rather e-mail you. It’s nothing against you, really, I just express myself better in written sentences. I even order Papa John’s via the internet.
7. I miss Los Angeles more than I let on to friends and family.

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I’m going to break the rules and not tag anyone specifically, but feel free to respond.

8. Sometimes I don’t follow rules.

I’m trying a little experiment. Last night I made a recording of my most recent poetry entry for the site. I’ve always thought poems were made to be read aloud. They always have greater impact when you hear the cadence and the music of the meter coupled with the intended emphasis. I added a little music to make it feel more professional, and posted the MP3 below the text of the poem. You can hit the little play button below and have a listen. I’d love to know what you think. Oh, and don’t forget the poetry RSS feed on the lower right hand side of the page if you want to keep up that way.  I’ll try to get to the older poem posts as I have time, so check back occasionally to hear my older stuff.  Enjoy!

I cast my ballot yesterday in early voting here in Texas, and it reminded me of how lucky and blessed I am to stand in line with no question or coercion and participate in representative democracy.  I don’t want to get preachy, but go vote.  We get to decide who our leaders are, and we should not take that for granted.

May the best man win.

I’ve been updating (finally!) a short story I wrote a couple of years ago to submit to a fiction contest.  It’s reinvigorated me to keep churning away at my novel because I’ve been paralyzed by my inner editor. Editing is my favorite part of the writing process, but I can’t edit a novel that hasn’t even been written yet! The first draft of this current short story was utter crap, and now that I’m on the sixth draft of it, it is finally being honed into something I’m proud of.  I won’t post it here until I hear back from the contest, and even then I might still submit it to other publications for consideration.  The original draft was some 15,000 words.  I’ve sliced it down to 8,500, making for a leaner and more concise yarn.  Here’s hoping.

This weekend I head to Abilene, Texas for my five year college reunion.  I can’t believe it’s already been that long.  It’ll be a great time to rekindle relationships with the friends I haven’t really spoken too in a while other than the occasional blurb on Facebook or via e-mail.  Plus, I get to show of my new daughter to them!  She’s learned how to smile, and she’s beginning to understand that she’s the one making all those cute noises. It’ll be great!

One final note: My wife is a beautiful woman whom I adore for her love and support and everything she does!  Just wanted to get that out there.  I love you, baby!

I see the boy first.
He scampers in the
lot behind the taco stand
like an unguided skiff,
buffeting the halcyon asphalt sea.
His blond tresses are the sails,
neck the mizzenmast,
arms outstretched the stanchions.
The faded superhero tee comprises
the figurehead zooming
in unhampered journey.

He jibes as Father
Dances behind him, spinning too
with arms out. And I realize
I’m not witnessing sailing.
Father and son are flying.

They twist and dive
around cloud cars for
in this moment they are
high above the city. Not here.
Their lips flap and noise the
PSHB-PSHB-PSHB-PSHB
of imagined propellers.
Laughing and talking her
flyboys to a smooth
landing in the minivan,
Mother watches clapping,
for this flight was brilliant.
Showing me in my daily haste
I have forgotten to fly.

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Dear Local Businesses,

I have noticed some practices you currently employ under the guise of “urban marketing” or “guerilla advertising” that have forced me to come to the conclusion that I will no longer be giving you my business. I dare not speak on behalf of all of your customers, but your current methods worry me. Seeing your poor sap standing on the corner holding an arrow-shaped sign above his head swaying back and forth fighting the urge to slip into unconsciousness has at no time in my impulse-buying-consumer adulthood caused me to think to myself: Hey, wait a minute, I DO need a house from the low $499’s! Man, if that lady with the conical hat on her head hadn’t been standing there drenched in sweat I’d’ve totally missed this once in a lifetime real estate opportunity!

Or: Wow, can you believe it? Milkshakes at Chick-Fil-A! I’m so glad cow costume man standing there in 105-degree-heat-index-82%-humidity let me know with his sign that says ‘Drink More Milkshakez, Pleez don’t eatz beefz.’

Now, I know your initial reaction will be to say, “Hey, but we’re giving this person a job!” Maybe, but I’ll go ahead and say that (1) nothing will compensate this person for the wasted hours let alone the future medical cost incurred due to the high probability of melanoma onset in later life or instant onset of heat stroke, and (2) I cannot imagine the death of an employee will be worth the three or four more impressions you will get from the cars that speed by. You might have a two-fold second reaction (also the most likely): You are an idiot, Mr. Grubbs, we don’t need your business anyway, and this gives our low-level employees time to perfect their pop-and-lock dance skillz. Touche.

But the CPMs are so cheap, Jonathan; a sign and dude holding it at $5.75 an hour! Can’t be beat!

Yes, but I’ll posit a sign post stuck in the ground will give you the same number of impressions for your ad with far less overhead! (Not to mention the legal entanglement that accompanies the death of an employee during work hours!) Of course I know what you’re thinking. There’s no way people will notice a sign stuck to a post! It doesn’t wave the arrow, welcoming people to our store! Indeed, but it does do more than the unconscious teenager slumped into the grass by the roadside.

Basically, I asking you to pull your workers in from the intense heat. Save this ad scheme for the fall or spring; not winter, however, because then you’ll have the converse problem: death by lack of hot chocolate or tongues freezing to ad signs via the triple dog dare.

Until I see that you have followed my guidelines, you will no longer have my dollars.

Sincerely,
Jonathan Grubbs

I didn’t mean to change the world,
But I might have. In some
Small way every word
I speak, write, read or hear changes
Reality around me.
Or changes me.

(more…)

Among the several joys we have discovered upon moving back to Texas—closeness to family, lower overhead in most life activities, rain!—I have discovered another something I love about the place in which we live. Stars. The Texas sky over our heads is like a giant sieve for heavenly glory. It’s almost as if God placed the stars, and made the universe so unfathomably vast simply in order to remind us of how small we are. But not that said smallness is a bad thing.

I don’t want to write a cliche, but it’s true: Having a baby changes everything. Every day I am astounded at how wonderful it is to have been a small part of bringing such a beautiful girl into the world. My baby girl is growing quickly, and I’m constantly amazed at how she sees the world. Her eyes are taking it all in, and it’s fantastic to watch her make new discoveries with her movements. “Hey I have a tongue, and I can make it go in and out!” “Ouch, when I make this hand hit my face, that hurts.” “Wow, look at that fan!”

She is a wonderful salve for my seemingly neverending cynicism. They prayed a blessing over her at our church. It began with the following sentence:

With each new child comes the message that God is not yet discouraged of man.

That phrase gives me hope, even amongst the smallness I feel among the backdrop of the wide open sky full of stars.